Warning: While the Author’s Note here is clean, the poem is definitely explicit in nature and makes numerous direct sexual references. HOWEVER, it is not pornographic in nature—far from it. That said, I very much understand if for ethical or other reasons you don’t feel comfortable reading explicit material. However, I would ask and recommend that you read the Author’s Note I have here in order to gain understanding of the project’s purpose, and also to find out an important statistic that you may not have heard before. 

Author’s Note: 

There’s a lot I could say here, but I think what I’ll do is just do a relatively brief author’s note here, and leave a longer explanation of the poem/spoken-word piece for a separate post.

This creative work was inspired by a few people I’ve had the displeasure of working with and/or observing, as well as by the general behavior like theirs I see in other people and in society. 

One big thing I want to note is that much of what I speak about applies beyond just the specific demographics mentioned. Both victims and perpetrators can be women or men, and people of all races. 

But that doesn’t detract from issues that are specific to various groups, plus the particular inspirations I had involved certain specifics, and sometimes that itself compounded the severity of the offense. (That’s “offense” as in “She committed several offenses related to sexual harassment and failed to heed the HR warnings.”)

For example, while sexual crimes in general are an abhorrent thing, and they affect both male and female, and people of every ethnicity, Native American women are victimized by sexual assault and rape at a rate twice that of other ethnic groups in the United States, making things like the village story referenced in the poem even more disgusting, ironic, and massively inappropriate than it already was. Ps. Just for the sake of accuracy, I would like to note that while the village story and other material referenced features Mesoamerican, Chicana, and/or Latina women, other material involves Indigenous characters in story locations that I don’t believe were set in the Americas. However, I feel the latter material is still relevant to the theme of the month, plus it still fits into the overall poem either way. 

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As a final quick note here…

For various reasons, I have—for an extended period of time—mostly protected the identity of the chief individual referenced in this poem. I’m considering changing that policy, and perhaps it’s even overdue. But for the time being, I’ve settled with a compromise: her name and bits of the other two individuals’ names are hidden within the poem itself. Of course, for now I wouldn’t really be able to confirm it for you if you do correctly determine those hidden names. 

By the way, if you’re thinking I must’ve been reading some truly grimy content to be able to cite such examples…you’re absolutely right. Such are the perils of writing groups and of oppo research. But the data-gathering has been useful, and is now increasingly so as I currently deal with those who would seek to minimize the actions of one of these people even more than previously. And I certainly haven’t gone through over two years of Hades related to this just to be treated in such an insulting way now.

The poem starts below the photograph (which you might recognize from a Wattpad poem of mine), to hopefully give you some space to read this author’s note and then jet before the explicit text begins, without accidentally running into it.

Ps. No formal or informal diagnoses should be inferred from the references in this poem.

Your Idea of Love

If your idea of “love” is a woman lapping fecal traces from in and around the anus of another human being—

I’m sorry, did I shock you? (Nah—ya wrote it)

I didn’t want to have to mock you (You support it)

But you’ve made a mockery of a word that means something to us, luv, so here’s the thing:

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If your idea of love is to use and abuse the body of your partner so that they’re left bleeding inside,

Left damaged, broken long-term, sacrificed on the altar of your libido for a temporary high…

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If your idea of love is a man who likes to torment women, choking them, dragging them around on a rope, shoving their faces in the dirt

Your idea of feminism, empowerment, and kindness involves romanticizing misogynists who get off on making women hurt…

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If your idea of love and romance is to trample on the sacred ground marking the graves of the victims of concentration camps and slavery

To turn centuries of chattel life and being worked and tortured to death into your twisted, left-wing “Oh, but I’m not a racist!” sexual fantasy…

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If your idea of love is to watch a woman be humiliated, coping with the fact that her husband’s selfishness and sickness mean her body will never be the same again

If it doesn’t count as abuse because she “let” it happen or supposedly “enjoyed it” and you’re teaching this to the next gen—that being used like a wet wipe and a blowup doll is the best women should expect of men….

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If your idea of love was to make me believe when you said that it just hurts you so much to see people in a couple disrespecting each other

But then you help normalize cheating and act like having her tongue in and around the fecal orifice of people is an acceptable way to treat humanity’s wives, sisters, daughters, and mothers…

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If your idea of love is a woman getting turned on at hearing a man’s threat to stick the barrel of a gun inside her vaginal canal

If sexual assault and sadistic crimes against humanity are something to dismiss or jerk off to, try talking about something other than kindness, pal.

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If your idea of love and romance is a romantic lead who’s a slave trader killing off the Indigenous who are trying to drive him out along with his trafficking enterprise

If you act like a woman shouldn’t cross him off the list for his participation in slavery and genocide, then don’t try to play the people with cheap talk about the value of Black and Latino lives.

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If your idea of love is to paint a film of pretty, empty words like a literary gilt to cover up the callousness

And act like there’s no guilt in your heart while trying to leech unearned benefits from us, an example showcasing your true viciousness…

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Ganev, if your idea of love is to put on this whole pretense of niceness doing this z-snap “Go gurl!” routine and playing Cheerleader in Chief

Which people fall for and mistake for real and sincere kindness, while you help steal people’s futures and dignity worse than a common thief…

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If your idea of love is to pretend to be a friend to those who are LGBTQ, and to talk this game about love, respect, and kindness,

But then to cheapen and demean us, show your sick view that it’s okay to abuse us, and you turn your back on us while you use us, and you stab us in our own backs with your exploitation and willful blindness…

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If your idea of love is to act like it’s just a mild offense to alienate a woman from her community so that she feels your abusive embrace is the only place left to flee

And you give lip service to opposing rape while your actions strongly say otherwise, then the fact that you’re in the educational field sure as heck scares me…

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If your idea of love is a woman slowly killing a whole village in order to coerce her “beloved” victim so she’ll give her sexual access, and you add in forced eyeball mutilation to make it even more grotesque

And then you literally act like classic abuser and psychopath behavior are no big deal and that you shouldn’t respect the victims’ suffering in a way that’s real, all because the predator in this case has nice lips and soft breasts…

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If your idea of love is to act like being a neglectful, selfish parent, child-starver, or intended rapist is not a big deal

And to act like you should be able to skate by on these things because what’s important is your sex appeal…

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If you take the stance that it’s only a minor issue to be starving children to make a woman self-injure and give herself to you

Then I look at authors like you and when women say the day for rape is over I nod, point a spotlight, and say, “Time’s up for her, too.”

===

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Conscience-lacking creatives pushing sexuality to disgusting and damaging excess 

You could see cleaner, healthier material spew from the inside of a festering abscess

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A traitor, truth-hater, quintessential sycophant, the real bigot, determined to lie

You can bring them the facts but they don’t care because to them logic, integrity, and decency need not apply

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They’re like those intolerant liars who pretend to support Muslims while slamming their Abrahamic kin

How ‘bout you read the books? All three say similar things when it comes to some types of sin

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And, for the record, the Qur’an says that even if you’re getting divorced, you still have to be kind to your wife

Abusing, injuring, and degrading her sure as heck doesn’t fit into that life

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You don’t need to write some far-flung dystopian story to scare women

The sexual behavior you promote is creating the scary reality we’re already livin’

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All this needless, disrespectful stuff and now her body can’t function right

And here you are teaching guys that this behavior is all right

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See a man penetrates a woman and is so rough he’s causing constant pain

We readers expect there to be a proportionate reaction, but since it’s your call, we find we wait in vain

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A guy’s so violent and careless he’s hurting a woman internally and you have her gushing that it “hurt so effing good”

But then you have the gall to try this fresa act over ridiculous stuff? Mentirosa, I wish you would 

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Collaborate under a banner of promoting healthy relationships? Why would you all even lie like that? 

I mean everyone should have basic human standards of dignity, cleanliness, compassion, and decency, but instead you’ve got the contrapositives of all those things down pat 

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But my hope is that shining a spotlight of truth will be an effective way to create awareness and change,

And will make our notoriously two-faced enemies’ zenith last like your last date in a round-robin exchange

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Don’t ever let claims of friendship with people from our community be your guise for participating in the lies

Gleefully contributing to our physical, mental, and moral demise

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Your invite to be one of the “cool kids”? Yeah, I must decline

Because it’s time to stand against cruelty like yours and draw that line

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See often, these are the very types who like to paint Christians and others of faith as the ones full of hate

But in reality they themselves are the ones abandoning us to an agonizing fate

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And I’m not talking about stuff that happens when your pulse stops and life ends

I’m talking about being abandoned to illness, injury, toxic relationships, and death by these backstabbing so-called allies and friends

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You don’t have credibility when you advertise “kickass bisexual heroines” but then they’re busy sexually injuring people and being sexually injured, too

It’s one thing to present this as an obstacle to overcome, but not when you normalize that abuse and cheating to make what’s left of our conscience numb, all the while pandering to and manipulating those of us who are LGBTQ

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You want to act like you have a political high ground and want people to funnel you social-media messages of “kindness” and “joy”?

Then sistah, do us a mitzvah, stop teaching these kids who read your words that it’s okay to treat your partner’s body like it’s just an expensive, breathing, bleeding sex toy

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Indigenous women already suffer sexual violence at disproportionate rates, and then there’s the stereotyping and targeting of women who trace their roots to Asia

But apparently, you’re happy to further those things, along with behavior nearing outright coprophilia and coprophagia 

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See you claim to have a problem with certain stuff when it’s right in line with the things you promote, and you say the children who write this material have issues with healthy boundaries

But meantime you’re defending it and acting like the man is the victim if he gets criticized for harming his wife, wrecking her health, making her bleed, and playing around in feces

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And as though it’s not sick enough to try and commit rape, in the process your romanticized characters are doing stuff like starving little kids and animals of water

This is why I’m tempted to shout your name from the rooftops to educate the parents who’ve mistakenly trusted you to educate their son or their daughter

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See you want to talk about healthy boundaries as though people like you aren’t the cause for kids sexualizing stuff they should not

But you act like it’s perfectly acceptable to sexually injure people and play around in human waste? Chaira, your credibility is shot

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Fulfillment of brutal White-supremacist fantasies, acts of pseudo-pedophilia, rectal prolapse, and fisting

A cruel assault on human dignity like “kink” sure as heck is marked with “shame”—rightly so—and this is just a tiny sampling of the fetishes out there I’m listing 

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If you’re a person who likes to beat, choke, vomit on, or sodomize people, or do things like feed folks your bodily substances, or urinate on women,

Then despite what these narcissistic, selfish ones would say, your behavior richly deserves criticism, and being criticized for your indulgence in misogyny, misandry, and dehumanization doesn’t make you now the victim

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And girl, don’t try to tell me that your mother didn’t teach you better than this

I doubt she raised you with the blatant regard that you have shown for basic cleanliness

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And in the way that you say it’s okay to treat people, you’ve disrespected your own family

As a sister, as a daughter, and don’t get me started on ethnicity 

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And, if you have a problem with politicized stereotypes of murder and rape and don’t want people to think that that’s the real way of the world?

You’re right, but then why the heck are you supporting the author of a supposed romance about a slave-trading Latino man sexually torturing a rich White girl?

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See, guys you’ve gotta open your eyes, and if you spot red flags of this type, then please be mindful of what you see

Otherwise in a couple of years you might end up like me, marking off a checklist of symptoms for C-PTSD

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And believe me, I still have my troubles, and I know what’s it like to be in the grime, filth, and grit. I’m down with the people who struggle and fall but still try to work on it

But these heifers are working overtime on the opposite grind; I watch them get crueler over time and they work hard to drag adults—and worse, children—down into the pit

===

Look fam, I’m gonna summarize: I’ve had enough of the deception, exploitation, the predatory lies.

So in closing, if you check boxes like this, if you pull the stuff listed above,

then we don’t need to hear you claim to care about kindness, acceptance, romance, ethnic diversity, friendship, inclusion, healthy relationships, the wellbeing of children, representation, 

…and sure as heck not LOVE.

© Ahsoka Jackson, 2019

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